I want to be known for the real me. Not the stage me. Not the speaker me. Not the writer me. Not the actress me. Not the inspiring me. Not the funny me. Not the Instagram me. Not the personality me.

The real me. My core. My Divine essence. The me who transcends all reams of personality, who is not limited to anything I ever said, did or made.

Where does this innate desire stem from?

G‑d wants me to know Him beyond being the Creator of the world. That is what we gain on Shabbat, the day of rest. We acknowledge that G‑d created the world in six days and then He stopped. He rested. G‑d is not limited to the creative process. He is infinitely more.

To relate to G‑d only as Creator is to know someone only in one mode. G‑d says, I want you to know My essence: Me, beyond all of creation, beyond being Creator.

And I want you to know yourself beyond who you think you are, too. Beyond being a limited creation. Beyond your 9-5. Beyond your hobbies. Beyond your creativity and passion. The essence that transcends any labels.

To be brutally honest with you, a part of me hates Shabbat. Dreads it, in fact. I feel the impending doom as Thursday night rolls around. Oh no, here it comes again.

Which part dreads Shabbat? The part of me that must always be able to put things in a box and label it. The part that wants to check items off a list. That wants order. That wants control. That wants to be productive. That wants acknowledgement.

All these external parts of me say, “Stop for 25 hours? But … I can’t!” The creative part of me, especially, says: “Who am I If I can’t write or paint? Who am I if I’m not creating something new?”

And G‑d says that is exactly the point. It’s hard for me to relax into the energy of Shabbat. I need Shabbat so badly to let the ego down slowly. Because as the sun sets, it dawns on me that there is more to me than my personality. There is more to me than this identity of self that must produce and do.

The Kabbalists created a way to transition us from the work week mode into the unique energy of Shabbat through the Kabbalat Shabbat. In these Friday-night prayers, every Psalm mentions G‑d’s name, Havaya, as He Was, Is and Will Be, G‑d being transcendent. And we, too, begin to identify not with our weekday identity but with our transcendent soul.

G‑d Who is the ultimate artist, the ultimate creator, the ultimate doer says “I want you to know Me as more than that: as the ultimate Be-er.” The more attached I am to my identity as a creator, a do-er, the more I need to experience myself as just a be-er, and the more I need to be freed from my art, from my work. G‑d liberates me every seven days. Breathe deep Chana, receive the freedom, I tell myself.

We are no longer creator and creation. We have stripped those roles. We are beloveds. We are the Shabbat bride. We are wrapped in this love that transcends time and space, identity and lifetime: the essential, ancient love that always was.

And so, too, we yearn to be more than our work. More than our story. More than our art. More than our accomplishments. We crave to connect to the essential self that is, was and always will be whole. The soul that daydreamed about coming into the world. The me beyond this life.

And then watch what happens once Shabbat is over. Rest is the culmination of the creative process. Shabbat itself was part of the creation of the world. My work is not complete until I stop. Until I put the computer away. Until I take the paint brush off the canvas. Until I transcend it. Now my creativity can come from my essence. Now my desire to do can be guided by an authentic core.

Now I can enter into the work week partnered with the Creator of the world. We wink at one another—G‑d and I—as we both know the world is a mask, a garment. We are beyond these phone calls. These atoms, this structure and rules.

And yet, we choose to wear these hats. To dress up as a teacher, a speaker, a business woman, a chef. How fun it is to get to play dress up in this identity I wear. How fun it is to get to have a world together to create in, to play in, to fix, to heal, to dance.

And soon, we will return to receiving the Shabbat Queen once again and forget there ever was a world. We forget there were any inner limits, that I was ever constrained to being one role. We go back to that essential place again.

Now let me be honest with you. It’s far more thrilling for me to write this than it is to try to experience this on Shabbat.

But I am dedicated. I am dedicated to breaking free. I know it is closer than I think. If I can allow myself to feel this energy of essential love—of connection, of transcendence just one moment each Shabbat—it will permeate me, drop by drop.

So, I am committed. Committed to allowing Shabbat to work its magic on me. Committed to knowing myself beyond this busy identity. Committed to knowing G‑d beyond the box I know Him in.

One Shabbat at a time.