Missing Kaddish and Yahrzeit

Question

I own furniture stores, and every year my business partners and I travel to Italy to partake in a trade show. To my dismay, this year the show falls out on the day of my father’s yahrzeit. This show is very important for the success of our business, and my partners are pressuring me to attend despite the fact that I have yahrzeit.

Am I allowed to travel to the show if I know that I possibly won’t find a minyan there? And if I go, but do not find a minyan, is there a way to make up for the obligations that I missed?

I love my dad very much and I want to pay him the proper respect.

Answer

You are absolutely right. The observance of a parent’s yahrzeit is very significant. Reciting Kaddish and commemorating the day will greatly assist your father's soul in its journey through the spiritual realms.1

Precisely because the observance of a parent’s yahrzeit is so significant, Jewish law urges the children of the deceased to ensure that they will be available to observe all the customs, including leading the prayers with a minyan and reciting Kaddish.2

Traveling on the Day of the Yahrzeit

One should not schedule a trip on the day of or the day before the yahrzeit unless it is urgently needed for financial reasons. Since missing the show will potentially cause you a financial loss, this exception applies and you may, therefore, travel to the show. If necessary, you can hire someone to say Kaddish as your agent. However, you should make every effort to locate a minyan there to lead the prayers and recite Kaddish.3 If you only manage to locate a minyan for the evening prayers following the yahrzeit, you should lead the prayers and recite Kaddish then.4 If, however, there are other members of the congregation who are leading the prayers and reciting Kaddish for a yahrzeit or during the first eleven months of mourning, they take precedence because they are fulfilling their obligations in the proper time, whereas you are making up for obligations which you have missed.5

What to Do if You Missed the Yahrzeit?

Although the ideal time to observe the yahrzeit is on the actual date of your father's passing, you should not feel that you have missed the opportunity to honor his memory because of your business trip. You can make up for it by commemorating the yahrzeit on any other day of the year, as any mitzvah, study of Torah, or recital of Kaddish that is done in the memory of a parent at any time of the year brings their soul immeasurable comfort and pleasure.6

Some communities have the unusual custom that those who forget (or are unable) to commemorate a parent's yahrzeit on the correct day should, from that year onward, commemorate the yahrzeit on both the day of the parent’s passing as well as the day preceding it, to ensure that they will be extra careful to observe the yahrzeit in its proper time.7

Wishing you a long life.

Footnotes

See Torat Menachem Hitvaduyot 5742 pp 2012 - 2017, where the Lubavitcher Rebbe discusses this at length.

Mishmeret Shalom 10 - 15

Mateh Efraim Laws of Kaddish Yatom Sha’ar Gimmel 3, Pnei Baruch 39:5, Nitei Gavriel Laws of Mourning 70:7.

Mateh Efraim ibid 4, Levush to Orach Chaim 133:1, Magen Avraham 132:2. See also Machatzit Hashekel to Magen Avraham ibid for more explanation.

Elef Lemateh to Mateh Efraim ibid. 4.

Kaf Hachaim 28:68 quoting the Chida.

Kaf Hachaim ibid., Sefer Ikrei Hadat Orach Chaim 29:34, Mishmeret Shalom 10:11. This is analogous to the law recorded in Rama Orach Chaim 263:1 regarding a woman who was unable to light Shabbat candles one week. The Rama writes that she must add one candle from the next week onwards. This is to ensure that she will be scrupulous with the mitzvah in the future.

By Mendy Wineberg

Originally from South Africa, Rabbi Mendy Wineberg is an administrator and teacher at Yeshivas Hashluchim, a Manhattan-based program dedicated to educating candidates for rabbinical ordination. He specializes in Jewish law and has been writing for Chabad.org for several years. Rabbi Wineberg lives with his family in Brooklyn, N.Y.

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9 Comments

Susan Levitsky July 9, 2023

We used to travel in the summer when my father had to observe his mother's yahrzeit. We davened in synagogues all over Europe so he could say Kaddish. Many were very excited to have an extra Jew come by. Now it is even easier with the proliferation of Chabads. If this is a trade show there will be many Jewish men there. I am sure the local Chabad rabbi can help to gather a minyan to say Kaddish. I doubt he would be the only one needing this service. Reply

Anonymous Opk December 12, 2018

BH i would like to add that it would be appropriate to give tzedaka in memory of your father to an institution of Torah learning. If this was not done on the day of his yahrzeit it can be done at a later date. Reply

Nat Kobitz December 10, 2018

Gut gezukt. Reply

Ed Greenberg Glens Falls, NY USA October 3, 2018

The original poster might say kaddish when he returns, and also ask the Rabbi of his local shul to say it for him on the Yahrtzeit. In additon to this, on the Yahrtzeit itself, if no minyan is available, what I personally would do is to substitute a Psalm (perhaps 23) for the Kaddish, secure in the knowledge that Kaddish is being said elsewhere on the day. What do others think of this? Reply

Yakov Chicago via chabadnorthbrook.com October 4, 2018

in response to Ed Greenberg:

I love it. Reply

Anonymous Italy October 10, 2018

in response to Yakov:

you are so right...., psalm 23, and if there are no persons around us, what could we do? We can follow only our conscience and believe Reply

H.A. Arnevet USA October 3, 2018

Check with a travel agent and at the place where you will be staying for the show -- and with Chabad, too -- to see if there is a congregation in the same area (town) as the show. There may be Jews at the show who can help you make minyan. Can you post a note on a bulletin board -- real or electronic? Bruk HaSham there are places in the U.S. where you can stand on a corner and yell MINYAN and and you'll have 10-plus Jews. How are you finding food? Another place to advertise for a minyan. בע''ה you will find a minyan. Just let people know you need one. Reply

Yakov Chicago via chabadnorthbrook.com October 4, 2018

in response to H.A. Arnevet:

GoDaven.com has minyamin everywhere (or so they say). Reply

Yakov Chicago via chabadnorthbrook.com September 21, 2018

I don't see how the practice of observing the yahrtzeit the day before as well as the actual day in future years applies here. This person is going to extreme to avoid missing the yahrtzeit. He did not forget it. Reply

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Traveling on the Day of the Yahrzeit

What to Do if You Missed the Yahrzeit?

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